Thanksgiving has nothing to be thankful for this year

I realize this is technically after thanksgiving. I spent this week moving into the new place. I should be happy. I’m not.

Today, as I was cleaning out the last of the crap from the apartment, I called my mother to talk to her. See, back on the 27^th, day before thanksgiving, there was a fire in my hometown. That small little everyone-knows-everyone-else place I still call home. I had seen to posts on Face book, but I didn’t have any idea whose house it was. It looked familiar, but no names had been released as to the owners, and honestly a house fire up there isn’t always something to be worried about. Everyone has a fireplace or a stove. Things happen.

But Thanksgiving and yesterday, the news went from a fire, to 3 people dead. The owner, his wife, and their adult daughter. Chances I knew them were very high, because you know everyone. Even if you aren’t friendly with them, you know who they are, and you all have mutual friends.

Then the news became ‘3 people shot to death’. This made my heart cry. Even if it was someone I “hated” in high school, I don’t want to hear anyone from my hometown has been shot to death.

So tonight, I talked to my mother, and she mentioned the last name of the family. Tuttle. God that was familiar. Didn’t I go to school with a Ryan Tuttle? (I did, but I think he was a Tuddle, not a Tuttle.) Then she said the names that made my blood run cold. “Reggie and Kim”.

There was only one “Reggie and Kim” I knew in Rye, and that happened to be the parents of my high school best Friend. Dawn McClure.

Mom, say it’s not so. That’s Dawn’s parents. That means, that was Dawn that was killed.

My heart twisted into my stomach and they both tried to cuddle together for comfort. The tears had already started. Somehow, I knew it was her. I got onto facebook… I had to find her page.  There it was, in that cold facebook black and white with a blue bordery background.  Everyone else had figured it out too. Dawn had been murdered.

I’m still in shock. She was my best friend since she started high school her freshman year. We went everywhere, did everything. We were in Choir together. We managed both the track and volleyball teams. We hung out after school.

She can’t be gone. Not like Val.

Val, by the way, was a friend Dawn and I had. Valerie Jean Irene Allee. She worked with me at Columbia House when they were in Colorado City. All of us had hit it off and we were the three musketeers. Val called us her little sisters. She was killed in a car accident when she was 29. Dawn named her first born girl after Valerie.

Now Dawn’s gone too. And murdered? Why? By who?

I’m going to find out.

And if I find him, I might just kill him.

I realize that’s a dangerous thing to say on the internet. I could probably get into trouble for it. But I feel it. I feel it inside. The rage, the anger, the pain. If I find him, I’m probably going to see red, snap and choke the shit out of him with my bare hands. Or beat him. Which would be a feat, since I can’t fight for shit. But I’ll learn, on him. I’ve a feeling that if I were placed in that situation, I’d learn really quick how to hit someone.

I can’t believe she’s gone. It isn’t right.

Bought a Condo!

Okay, so I’m financially strapped. You might wonder why I am buying a condo then. Because right now, I can get a 2 bedroom, 2 bath for less a month than I’m paying on this little apartment.

Technically, it’s more a month, but that’s only including the HOA. Which our Roommate is going to cover as his part of the rent. So James and I have the mortgage, which is about $150 less than the apartment. And since it’s a 2 bed, the roommate doesn’t have to sleep on the sofa. He gets his own room. I’m doing this to try and have a little extra money to throw at the lawyer fees Miles saddled me with. So really it is his fault I’m buying a condo. I didn’t want to do this, but with rent prices going up, and me needing to save every penny I have, the cheaper option was to buy.


I should mention, I am terrified. I haven’t really ever owned a house. Even when I was married, I wasn’t working, so I didn’t feel I owned a house. Apparently I was right, because he took it in the divorce. In any case, back then, I felt it was just a home we were renting from someone nice enough to let us change things around the place, as long as they were for the better.

I’ve tried looking at it that way again, but I think my mind has learned to work passed that trick. Because it is my name on the documents. Just me. It will be my place. And I’m terrified.

I can hear my Gramma in the back of my head trying to tell me I will be fine. Women can do this thing without a man involved. I’m so 1950s sometimes. I understand it’s a great move. Even being cheaper than renting, house prices are looking like they will go up. This condo was bought for 120k by the previous owner. She’s selling for 95k. She’s taken a hit. But with prices going up, in 5 years it could be back to the 120k. It’s a smart move to buy now. I’m saving money and looking at profit in the future.

I just know my luck usually isn’t that great. I’m waiting for something to go wrong. I don’t know what, but I am waiting.

This place does have a higher HOA fee than what I wanted, but it covers some decent things. And when I went to look at it, I made some crack about purple walls, and the master bedroom has purple walls. I think it’s kind of fate.


We close the 26th. So nervous!