I've been feeling a bit lost lately. I can see from some past entries this is not uncommon. I feel like I have lost my mojo once again, and I'm not really sure I ever had it back to begin with. I get excited about something and then... the excitement dies one way or another.
I recently found an amazing thing... sort of my dream home. but it's about 400 miles from here, and would be about 180k to buy and then there are moving costs. Now, the 180k isn't all up front. we would need at least 30k up front, plus whatever it would cost to put in a bathroom and a kitchen, plus electricity and a generator. Then the other rooms could be built in as we go. But of course we don't have that kind of money. And if we sold the condo, we'd have enough, but no where to stay while it was going on.
And the hubby doesn't even know that he wants to move there. He's about 70/30 against it. I'm about 70/30 for it. but he's the one making the money right now, so my vote really doesn't count so... I just have to force myself to accept it isn't going to happen and try to be okay with it.
I am having a hard time being okay with it. Because I have the feeling that it is something I have to do. The same feeling that told me I had to take Sam home. The same feeling that told me we needed to get Jack, and Gypsy. The same feeling that told me I needed to buy a condo and get out of renting when I did. This feeling has never steered me wrong. So it's very painful trying to ignore it.
And it's making me very depressed. Because I know we can't afford to do it, even if I could talk him into it... We'd need benefactors. People to gift us money to do this. I'd need a sizable lotto win. Something remarkable would need to happen. And I'm just not that lucky.
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