I tend not to watch the news. It isn't something I find happy or believable most days. I suppose I prefer being an 'ostrich' and putting my head in the sand. And then there are days I am reminded why.
I read something online the other day about a string of gay suicides, and some Mormon high up preaching about how wrong it is to be gay. My immediate response was anger. Seriously? I realize I don't know much about any Christian religion beyond the few years I studied at a Catholic school. Still, I seem to remember the Bible saying something about loving one another and not judging other people. My anger flared. Of course this is typical, quote the parts of the Bible you see fit, ignore the rest until you need it later.
This sparked a discussion between my roomies and I, about tolerance. Obviously I can't honestly smack someone around verbally and tell them to STFU and turn the other cheek and deal with differences, rather than harping on something they can't stand. Because that's exactly what I'd be doing to them. It's as valid as my father telling me not to smoke while lighting his cigarette. Then again my father followed it up with a "Do as I say not as I do."
After a day, my anger hasn't cooled much. I'm still angry that someone decided to toss gasoline on a fire. Someone felt that it's more important to preach a message of hate, rather than one of love. I think someone needs to re-read the Bible and to decide to listen to the "Love one another" and the anti-hate messages in there.
But rather than rip into the idiots preaching hate, I think right now I'd rather be able to reach the people who really need it. The young kids out there who need to know, life might be hard, but there are people who care, even if you haven't met them yet.
To you I would like to say, I know life can be hard. I know there's times when you want everything to just stop. To have the pain and hurt be over. I know what it is like to just want to make it all stop so you don't feel the pain, can't hear the words, and the darkness wrapped around your heart stops choking you. Everyone offers advice, and you just want to smack them, or shove their face into a wall. When they tell you things will get better and you laugh, telling them 'yeah right'. When someone says 'I've been there' and you flip them off and tell them they can't understand your pain. When someone says, 'It will get better' and you just want to slam a door in their face.
I've heard that all before. I've felt those things. But here I am, almost 20 years later. I still have my moments, I still have the dark demons. But I have a lot of good moments too. I've done things with my life that I'm proud of. And some I'm not. But the fact is, I'm here to make my own mark, and my own mistakes.
Of all the GLBT people I know, every one of them is a strong, wonderful, vibrant person. Every one of them has done something that I look at and go 'Wow, I wish I had the talent, energy, strength, or intelligence to do that." No lie. Every GLBT person I know has done something to make me want to be a better person. They make me wish I had half their flare, half their drive, half their talent. I look at my friends and I'm proud to know them. I'm thankful they are part of my life. I'm a little jealous of their sparkle, but they always make me feel better about myself. And not in that standing next to someone so I look better way. In that, these people are so wonderful and they count me as a friend, so I can't be as horrible as I feel, way.
Don't let someone take your sparkle. Don't let someone snuff out that brilliance simply because they cannot hang, or handle it, or understand it. Life is tough. Life has a crapton of rough spots. I won't lie and say it's all peaches and raspberry truffles or something. It's a lot of sandpaper and needle-and-thread kinda rough. It's bumpy. It's occasionally smelly. It isn't all glamour.
But I am a firm believer in that's why the GLBT community is here. To shake up the dull and boring, to challenge the hiding masses who think it's safer if we never pop out heads out of the sand. You're here to be something wonderful, even if it's just to one or two of your friends who really need you to keep their own lives sane and brilliant. Even if it's to challenge a few insignificant people to be more than just ostriches hiding from the world. You might not cure cancer, but you might, 20 years down the road, find out you're someone's inspiration for being a better person. They might never cure cancer either, but they might pass some of that brilliance on to someone else. Good change, the permanent non-fad kind, takes a long time to find it's roots. they have to run deep so some strong wind cannot uproot that change and undo all that hard work.
Don't give up. Don't give in.
Please, continue to shine.
Even if you don't know us, even if you haven't met us yet, there really are people out there who give a shit about you. People who need you. People who are waiting to meet you.
Live. Inspire. Change one person.
Prove the assholes wrong.
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