Some people will understand what I'm talking about. For others, simply replace 'create' with something meaningful to you, like 'play sports', 'hunt', 'recycle', 'drink'... you get the idea.
I usually Role-Play. Not that kinky stuff, you twisted people, the kind involving character sheets and dice, or not dice, depending on how you play. Generally It involves myself, someone else, and a whole lot of typing to create a story. To tell the story of the characters we are playing. Like writing a novel, only more complex, because there's two (or more) people writing and you have to think on your feet. Or your bum, because you're usually sitting.
Lately however, I have not been able to RP. My schedule has sucked so horribly I think my normal RP partners have forgotten I exist, or at the very least, wonder if I am still alive. I am, I just have the worst schedule for playing at this time. I've been handling the Bug a lot. The more time I spend with a toddler, the less time I have for creating stories that don't involve small words and tiny sentence structure. And then, when I am free.. I'm usually cooking, cleaning, doing laundry or... on rare occasions.. sleeping. I know, I should cut out the sleep and RP. Sorry, can't do it. I've tried. The tiny amount of sleep I do get is the only thing keeping me functional for the rest.
It's like having a child of my own. Only I don't.
But mind you, I am not complaining. I just need more time in my day. I really do enjoy watching her play with toys, reading her stories, and playing videos for her on Netflix. She seemed entranced by Blue's Clues the other day.
But, because my normal creative outlet has been cancelled like some TV Show, I have to come up with another creative outlet. I must create. Or I will go mad. At the very least, madder than I am now. And that's kind of scary given I'm fairly certain I'm already not playing with a full deck.
The question becomes, how to create, and what to create? Sure, the Blog might be one means to an end. In more ways than one, though I doubt most of the horror I write would be suitable for posting on a blog of this nature. I could try working on other characters in a side blog, but I have to find some that would be public friendly. But, aside from story telling, there's other things I find myself wishing I had time to do.
1. Poetry. I used to write a lot of poetry. I took a creative writing class in college and I used to be able to turn out two to three decent poems a week. I don't think I've written a poem in years. Kinda depressing. I could attempt to write more poems, but the issue I ran into the last time I tried to write a poem was, now that I'm older and less full of that teen angst, I don't seem to have anything to write about. Old age kills my muse, it seems.
2. Crochet. Yes, I do this. I can't knit to save my life. Too many needles and yarns and whatnot's. But I do fine with Crochet, so long as there's only one hook and one strand of yarn at a time. The problem is, this takes money I don't currently have, to buy the yarn to make the projects. So, this is on the back burner.
3. Sewing. Not on a machine mind you. I learned to use one in high school and I do own one, but I can't figure out how to work it, and it kinda scares me. So I tend to sew by hand. I know, takes longer. Hurts more. But I do enjoy it. I have a few projects I would like to finish up. Only problem is, I have to find the supplies. The fabric, the needles and the thread have all vanished since we cleaned up the house for the new roomies. This makes finishing that pillow cover or the jean project a touch harder than normal.
4. Painting. Not rooms, though I want to do that too. No, painting pictures. Or in my case, rocks. No, I don't pick up a rock and paint it pink. I used to do animals on rocks. Eagles, otters, bears. That kind of thing. I haven't done it in a long long time. And I did want to try painting anime characters at some point. Not certain I would be any good at it. But this requires money as well. Paints, brushes, materials. So another burner project.
5. Making Christmas decorations. One of my 101 in 1001 projects is to have a 'Gothic Christmas'. This would require a white tree, some red lights, and some Gothic decorations. Now, there were a few websites which listed ideas for making your own decorations. One was to buy the Christmas ornaments on sale after Christmas, and then repaint them. Obviously both things require funds I don't have at the moment. And a sale that is still a few months off, which hopefully by then I have the funds. But, there's got to be other decorations I can make. More than likely from that salt and flour dough we used to make things with as kids. I just have to research it. I did find out from a recent project I did that some of the items I made from said dough broke afterward. I'm not sure why, but I'll have to look into it. I don't want to spend four months making ornaments for next year, only to pull them out and find they're all in pieces. Unless that works for the decoration.
6. Cooking. I don't do this a lot. Usually because no one eats it afterward and it goes to waste. It also involves a lot of time in the kitchen, and right now, it's too hot to be cooking in the kitchen. In a few months when temps drop and cooking in the kitchen helps heat the house, this won't be so bad. But right now, the last thing I want to do is cook and heat the house. Still, I want to cook. It's like beating my head against a brick wall. However, my plan is to gather some recipes, and have them ready to go when temps drop and I can cook without remorse.
7. Redecorate. This takes money. Still, I want to paint the living room, and rework the decor in the whole house. I want to get rid of things, make room for new items, and change my themes in the house. Right now, it's a lot of anime and Asian stuff. That's my husband's influence. Love him, but at least up stairs, I want to change things up. I want to have different colors, different influences. Sadly, I'm eclectic, which does not lend well to a set theme. Or a flow. I'm not entirely certain how to take Gothic, native American, Victorian, Celtic and Egyptian and mesh everything together to flow and look nice. It's a challenge. If I could get my mind to focus long enough I might be able to work out some kind of a project, but with the kiddo in the house, the ability to focus on anything for more than ten minutes at a go is sorely lacking.
I suppose all of this is one reason I've managed to make so many posts to this blog. That and the fact that no one reads this.
Well, no one that I know of. We will just keep it that way so my mind doesn't start censoring things before I hit 'publish post'. Okay? Okay.
In any case, I have this need to create something. To make something. To still the voices and energies in my head for more than a few moments at a glance, and to walk away thinking 'now that was cool.' The desire to create, to build, to make. To become more than myself for a few moments, and to have something outside myself that I can look at. Like air, I need this. Like breathing, it is a part of me. And lately, I've been slowly suffocating. Hopefully soon I can take a deep breath, and recover my sanity.
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