That will do, Donkey.

This might be one of the posts I think twice about publishing. Simply because I may not be able to get through it all.

It's 3am. Nearly 4am. Yesterday, I got an email from my mother.
Let me preface this by saying we're a strange lot of people, my family. Our pets are family. My mother takes better care of her pets than some people take care of their children. A cat isn't just a cat, a dog isn't just a dog. And a donkey, isn't just a donkey. They're family.

Back when I was just out of high school, I worked security for 3 years. Either Christmas of 96 or 97, my father bought my mother a donkey. Yes, that's right. Small, dark gray (almost black), long ears, brays, four legged. You heard me correctly. He bought her a donkey for Christmas. She named him Pepper. That little donkey made her so happy. He'd bray and she'd be like a kid watching their favorite cartoon.

So yesterday I log into my email to find a message from her. Pepper had died. Apparently during the night. She's upset. Understandable. I'm none too thrilled myself. We'd all completely imagined the donkey would outlive both my parents, leaving me looking for a place to put him when they go, given I live in a large city and not out in the boondocks where they live. I'd even located a nearby stable and while I hadn't asked on costs for boarding, simply because well, both my folks are still going strong and I'm not one to want to jinx anything, I did know it was there. I honestly figured my poor old Appaloosa was going to be the first to go. Then my Dad's Mule. Then then Donkey.

So Pepper dying during the night was just a stab in the heart I hadn't expected. He was a good Donkey. Kind, gentle. He wouldn't hurt you for the world. He had a fantastic disposition, and as I said, was my mother's pride and joy. She's got tons of little donkey things, and now, I can only imagine looking at them is going to be difficult for her. Every time she sees the mousepad with his picture, or the nine hundred different donkey trinkets, dolls, stuffed animals, figurines, etc, that people have given her, she'd going to be reminded of him. It's got to suck.

And here I am, 4 hours away, nothing but email to contact her back for the moment, and I can't do a damn thing to help. Not to mention they'd already buried him when she emailed me. There's a guy up the road with a backhoe. He comes and digs the graves when someone loses a horse. So far, we've buried three. Two of my Dad's horses (Zenobia and Coyote) and now Pepper.

I should also mention I'm overly emotional. Not only have I just lost what amounts to a family member, but I probably feel these kind of events more deeply than normal people. Someone might get misty eyed about a dog dying. I get depressed, ball for hours, and end up with a migraine. So this day has sucked since reading that email.

Nothing I write seems to convey the feelings. Nothing I could write would ever express the strange emotions I'm feeling at this moment.. I am reminded of a children's Christmas cartoon I used to watch every year until they stopped showing it.

The Small One
Music and lyrics by: Don Bluth

Small one Small one Don't look so blue
Somewhere a friend is waiting for you
Someone still needs you to brighten his day
There's a place for each Small One
God planned it that way

Time is passing, days are few
Give while you can to one smaller than you
All things living great and small
Each brings a gift that is needed by all

Small one, Small one, Don't look so blue
Somewhere a friend is waiting for you
Someone still needs you to brighten his day
There's a place for each Small One
God planned it that way

 
Small One, for those who haven't seen it, was a donkey. Loved by a little boy, who had to sell his best friend. The boy ended up selling him to Joseph, and Small One carried a pregnant Mary on his back, thus helping make Christmas happen. Yeah, sappy Christmas cartoon. I always cried over that damn cartoon. And now, it's all I can think about, sitting here wiping tears as I type. That, and Michael Myers in his Shrek voice, very softly saying, "That will do, Donkey. That will do."
 
RIP Pepper. You will be missed.